For many, divorce will be a tumultuous time in their life. There are a lot of things that could go wrong and the people involved undergo tremendous grief due to loss and the splitting apart of a life built together with a partner. But for people who understand that this is where they take their leave and strive to make it easy for one another, here are some things you can do to keep a healthy outlook in this time of plight:
1. Get A Lawyer/Mediator
A lawyer who can act as a mediator is a good place to start. If you’re not yet on each other’s throats, it’s best that you avoid getting apprehensive by mixing in aggression into the cauldron early on. Andrea Morgan, a premiere divorce lawyer from MorganDivorceLaw.com, doesn’t shy away from aggressive constestation but also embraces the human conflict resolution methods of family mediation and collaborative divorce. They must be able to understand the unique dynamics of every case and relationship structure in order to avoid a messy situation with the other party.
2. Parenting Plan
Your children are more perceptive than you think. They can hear you fight and see you agonize over your relationship and the harsh environment at home could have a significant impact on them growing up if you forcefully stay together. If you’re able to create a healthy parenting plan where their interests are the focus, you’ll be able to help them transition into their new life. It is better to write it down to plot your plan to work in a united front as parents to your children, you can then tell them in person and answer questions as well as reassure them that your support for them will not waiver.
3. Document All Agreements
Since you will be embarking into new territories away from each other, it can be a little confusing and details may slip through gaps. So, to avoid future conflicts, it is important to write down all agreements to make sure everyone abides by them. It is crucial to have a lawyer/mediator to help you go through all the items especially about money and child rearing. The latter may include your arrangement about custodial visits, schedules, and the degree of flexibility on said arrangements.
Together with the agreements, you should also have sanctions for when one doesn’t abide with what was agreed upon. You should discuss what happens when one doesn’t follow through and what the other party can do about that scenario.
4. Manage Conflicts In The Future
Expect for things to go south. Not everything you’d expect to happen will happen, especially if one has some animosity with the other. You should prepare for conflicts and manage them accordingly not just during the divorce negotiations but also afterwards. Life and all its challenges will not be so kind to you and your domestic predicament, preparing for a process to tackle major changes and obstacles is important. You can set up protocols to identify situations wherein mediation should be afforded.
5. Avoid Old Patterns
One of the benefits of divorce is that you’re not anymore responsible for your ex’s feelings, emotional plight, family issues, and other disappointments. You have been released from that responsibility and so are they. So you must avoid unloading your frustrations on them as well as listening to them and their troubles. Aside from your children, your personal life will have nothing to do with each other. Being together for many years may make it difficult to break old patterns, but it’s important for your growth and health to live your life away from each other.
6. Let The Relationship Evolve
Let time heal all wounds. Don’t force the issue with your ex and make it the way you want it to. Give each other the time to heal to give your relationship a chance to evolve into something new. As mentioned, don’t fall back into the same pattern and try to build something new to care for your relationship and uphold your responsibilities to your children. Don’t fret about withdrawing from your ex and vice versa, both of you should learn how to deal with your new lives as divorcees.
7. Focus On Family
Do not involve other people into the scene, especially with your children, because it can be too confusing to them. You are not the only one going experiencing the changes so don’t do things that could make things messy. Your children should be able to focus on the family of origin and not get distracted by new faces coming over the house during the early stages of the divorce.
Divorce is not a thing that destroys, rather, it is an event of change for all people involved. And as far as changes go, it can get really lousy in the beginning but with time and effort, you’ll be able to make the most of your new freedom to get away from the shackles of a doomed relationship.